Monday, October 19, 2009

CCB Reflections

Hello, nice to see you at the fourth edition of The Lunar Lounge! This is a very brief reflection on the awesomeness that was Church City Blues 2009.

Picture a tiny room, dark with the curtains drawn and lights dimmed. It's 3am. From the edges you can hear ice clinking and people chatting. The dance floor is so packed anything but closed position is out of the question. The dj sets the blues going, you pull your partner close, and away we go...

What an amazing weekend. So many brilliant dancers, smokin djs, hot dance floors and cool cocktails. CCB is known for it's intimate vibe and highly social atmosphere, and this year it did not fail to deliver. I felt so good at the end of this exchange, and have almost no low points to bitch about. I experienced The Best Blues Dance of my life (and also experienced the creepiest-reverse beaver clamp, I'll say no more), and met so many people who I can't wait to nab for another dance next time I see them.

I'll leave it there, as the next post is written by Karacticus, who was one of the teachers this year. She's going to be sharing her thoughts about CCB. Also Stay tuned for the very first Lunar Lounge podcast, coming soon! Don't forget if you'd like to drop us a line email

Peace out, Luna.

PS This was passed on to me from a lovely guy (who attended his first CCB this year, wooo!). I couldn't find the original source, seems to be passed on by many people. If you know of the source please email me. =D

Here are some very fundamental rules about singing the 'Blues'.

1. Most blues begin with: "woke up this mornin'"

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues...unless you stick something nasty in the next line like: "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town"

3. The blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, like: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 'bout 500 pound"

4. The blues is not about choice: you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch... ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevy’s, Fords, Cadillac’s and broken down trucks... Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs or sport utility vehicles. Most blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft or state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walking plays a major part in the blues lifestyle... so does 'fixin' to die' ....good grammar has no place in the blues: "I'm not going to care very much" ...needs: I ain't gonna give a damn".

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues...They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the blues. Adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair for shooting a man in Memphis

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the blues. Another thing: you can't have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. Now, a woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it, is.

9. You can't have no blues in an office or shopping mall. the lighting is wrong. You have to go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway;
b. jailhouse;
c. empty bed;
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordsrom's;
b. Gallery openings;
c. Ivy League Institutions;
d. Golf courses

12. No one will believe you have the blues if your wearing a suit... unless you are an old person and, maybe, you slept in it.

13. When do you have the right to sing the blues:
a. if you're older than dirt;
b. you're blind;
c. you shot a man in Memphis;
d. you can't be satisfied.

14. You can't really sing the blues if:
a. you have all of your teeth;
b. you once were blind, but now can see;
c. the man in Memphis lived;
d. you have a 401(k) or trust fund.

15. Blues is not a matter of color... It is a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues.... Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

16. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you's the blues. Other acceptable blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine;
b. whisky or bourbon;
c. muddy water;
d. black coffee.

17. The following are not blues beverages:
a. Perrier;
b. Chardonnay;
c. Snapple;
d. Slim Fast.

18. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the neck by a jealous lover is another blues way to die... so is the electric chair, substance abuse, dyin' lonely. You can't have a blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

19. Some good blues names for women:
a. Sadie;
b. Big Mama;
c. Bessie;
d. Fat River Dumplin'.

20. Good blues names for men:
a. Joe;
b. Willie;
c. Little Willie;
d. Big Willie.

21. People with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, Heather, Jonathan, Bradford, Chad and Kimball can't sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

The Lunar Lounge: All the vintage dance lovin' you'll ever need.

1 comment:

  1. Haha, I like the list of how to sing the blues. That's brilliant. I would love to see a blues singer drinking Snapple! I got the snapple blues? Snapple isn't all that great, so I guess you might be able to get pretty down about it.
    -Andi x